I've decided to do the old cliche thing since it's a new year---I'm going to try and make a new me. Over the past few months, I've made so many promises to myself as to what I was going to do with the spiritual side of my life and I never really followed through. I also made promises to the higher ups that I need to follow through on. A dear friend of mine knows exactly what I am referring to as I've come to her more times that I should have with my issues. Well I got to thinking about everything going on and I've come to two realizations---- stagnation and too much.
#1. Stagnation.
My life, spiritual and mundane, has become stagnant. Day in and day out it's the same old shit, just a different Monday. Although my spiritual life really isn't stagnant so much as just not there. It just decided one day to leave me. That's what happens when you make promises to someone and don't follow through. I spend too much time worrying about how much sleep I can get to I can supposedly function the next day when I know exactly how the next day is going to go. So I need to buck up and suck up and start making my life what I want it and need it to be. And no one but me knows what I need to do. No one can tell me to do this or do that.
#2. Too Much.
Too much of everything....weight, books, junk, stuff, obsessions. Anyone who knows me knows I've been struggling with my weight. Doctor ordered to lose 20 lbs by March. He thinks it will help my high cholesterol, which I am currently taking meds for. So I am working on that. Yes, too many books. But they just need to be organized better. I won't even get into the junk and stuff part of it. Obsessions---I am a nerdy fangirl and my obsessions run from Loki and Sherlock to Marvel and Doctor Who. I spend too much time with them and I need to scale back to I have more time for other things.
Oh then there is Too Much Stagnation. Too much of nothing going no where. And I finally figured out why....I have all these...things...running around in my life and in my head. Nothing knows where to go or how to work properly. It's like all the forks of the river hit a beaver dam in the main river and everything is just spilling over each other, trying to fight for space to make it over the rocks and broken trees. So I've decided to start removing some of the rocks and broken trees. But slowly. Because I don't want everything to come crushing down at one time and drown me. I want to slowly remove it so the river has a slow but steady trickle. And when I remove the final rock or limb, it's a slow steady stream flowing.
You can do it. I have faith you will find the balance you need to be you.
ReplyDeleteFinding a new balance or a real balance with everything sounds like a good idea to me. After you do have a lot going on and stuff you've just got to do everyday and so on. I guess I myself would go for giving space for everything, but setting priorities.
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, you sure can do it!
Marta )O(